and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
