Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
