forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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