Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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