It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
