After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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