I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
