Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
