i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
