Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
