Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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