So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
