I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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