she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
