remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
