Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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