For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
