Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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