i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
