If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
