Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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