mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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