I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
