I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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