wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
