She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I did not marry a roomba.
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