I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a search helicopter?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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