Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
