had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
