Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
