official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
