There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
