Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
