I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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