Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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