if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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