after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
