I wanna bring you to show and tell
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
