I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
