I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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