we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
