Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
