you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
