So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
