yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's get the cat blown out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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