Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
