I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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