ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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