i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
