She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
