when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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