I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
