Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
