i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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